Chasing Sunshine

A long time ago

When I wasn’t quite five feet tall,

All I wanted

Was to write tales for all;

I hoped I would be

A teller of stories

Both ancient and mod;

That my stories would be

A harbinger of hope,

That I could be

Through each story,

A generous giver

Of abundant laughter

And much more

In the realms

Of all that brings

A glow

To the countenance.

Well, I hadn’t reckoned,

With destiny;

So the writing

Never quite took off,

In fact, along the way

It brought home

Some ignominy

And much heartache;

But what do the stories

The lay buried

Deep within my heart

Know anything,

About any of that?

All they care,

Is to burst forth

Like a thousand bats

Out of a dark cave

At nightfall,

Unleashing the rage,

The angst and the despair,

Of having been locked up

For so long,

Utterly forgotten;

But they are mangled,

And they’ve blended,

One into the other

And the other into some more;

So much so,

That they’ve metamorphed,

Into the dark and the gory

Of a mirthless horror story.

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At night,

It is not just the darkness

That settles down like dust

After a sandstorm,

But also, the silence.

You spend the day

Waiting for it,

Yearning for the embrace

Of these gemini,

And it’s not just your eyes

That you crave to close

But also your mind

Which has been spinning

Its thousand wheels.

But whether you get

What you seek

Is like the toss of a coin

Sheer luck;

Or maybe,

It is your destiny.

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Somewhere along the way

On your sojourn,

You take a wrong turn

And end up

At the edge of a canyon;

And what if this happens,

Really early on?

Where do you go next?

You are perplexed,

An unseasoned traveller,

And your footprints are lost

To time,

And the elements of nature.

There is no option thus,

To retrace your steps;

And going forward,

Is as perilous,

As much as it is pointless;

For it is nothing but

A descent

Into the depths,

That you know

Will eventually consume you.

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The dew drop on the lush grass

Was one among many

To shine in the garden

In the wee hours of the mornin’;

The dew drop on the lush grass

Was lost within moments

Forever;

And yet, for the short time

That it was there,

The dew drop on the lush grass

Did matter.

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In this moment

There is peace,

And a deep sense of belonging,

Of oneness, with the surrounding.

In this moment

There is hope,

Where there was none,

In the one

Before.

This moment,

As fleeting as it is,

Holds within it

A wealth of possibilities;

This moment,

Is one to seize.

This moment,

Is like no other

Before it, or after;

This moment

Is unique,

So live in this moment

Freely and fully,

As befits

Every moment.

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The new year –

A rite of passage

For a unique planet,

When its highest species

Pause to celebrate;

With some choosing to party

While others reflect,

And most take the time

To recalibrate –

To find something

That they’d love to fix.

And thus, with a new year

Are born,

Millions of resolutions,

Some airy, some not;

For each that remains unfulfilled,

There’s one that keeps its owner

Going on,

Just like the earth

On its relentless sojourn

Around the sun.

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A science lesson from long ago

A lengthy discourse

On work, or the lack thereof;

Today, the memory of that lesson

Has come to pay a visit,

As I’m reminded

Of the futility

Of a current pursuit.

Love –

You look for it,

You yearn for it,

You go to places

In search of it,

Hoping you’ll find it there.

You glean your memories,

Travelling through the yester years,

You hold on to moments

Suspended in time,

Yet fail to find

What you desperately seek.

And as the days fold into a week,

A month, a year, some years –

You find you’ve shed more tears,

Confronted additional fears,

In this journey to find

What remains elusive.

And then you give up,

You resign yourself

To your ignominous fate,

You accept the hate,

And in doing so,

You sink into the ground,

Hoping you’ll not be found,

Wishing you’d be lost..

And there you find,

A love like no other…

For there, you realize

That in nature,

There is more love

Than you’ve ever sought.

There’s a song about sunshine

That I first heard as a child

It tells the tale of how

Sunshine always makes the singer high.

Perhaps, it was that song that drew me

To the magic of sunshine,

And the warmth of its rays on my skin.

On the greyest day,

The touch of a sunray

Can bring a smile,

Like nothing else can;

And so I find myself

Chasing sunshine.

Maybe that is the essence

Of pursuing happiness;

Maybe, happiness lies

In chasing sunshine.

The fear, is very real;

It creeps upon me

In the chill of the early morning,

Awakening me with a startle,

And a dry mouth.

For a second,

I’m not sure what it was

That roused me,

Until I feel it,

The familiar knot

In the depths of my belly –

And I know,

That it has come back

To show me

That it’s real;

As tangible as the hair

That stands on edge,

As goosebumps on the exposed skin

On my limbs,

While I retreat

Into the imaginary shell

Of forced isolation,

That offers no real protection

Save that, of facing the world.